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Dragnslave
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Name: Raven
Country: United States
State: Oregon
Metro: Portland
Interests: anime, sleeping, reading, cosplaying, jrock, watching movies, DDRing, visiting new places, karaoke, fine dining with good friends, bar- hopping/dance- clubbing, chilling with friends, and being a nerd cuz nerds rock! ^_^
Expertise: procrastination
Occupation: Student
Industry: Medical
Message: message me
AIM:  Dragnslav7
Member Since:
12/3/2002
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| it's been a whirlwind kind of a week, one where it's hard for me to get into the groove, but once i'm there, i'm kinda manic about it, but i can get knocked off kilter from stupid little things that i have to do, so i'm kinda ADD there as well, and then it's hard to get back into the groove again. you know what i mean?
probably not, and it might hurt to try to think about it.
how do you classify manic/depressive/ADD/obsessive/compulsive? (and no, i'm far from menopause).
don't want to write lecture......don't want to write......hate writing....well, despise writing.........when it's not a blog. mb i should write my lecture like a blog! hehehehehe. j/k.
oh, my clinic's grand opening is this friday. i'm starting to not like that day. getting tired just thinking about it. still sooooooooo much to do. *Sigh* of course. and it's going to be 104* on friday! omg, we will all melt! *my electric bill!!! rawr!!!* i hate my life?
mb i should eat dinner now. it's late enough.
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| wow, i feel so much better today. i didn't think i would have a decent day today, waking up with a headache, but i actually did. and my headache went away. maybe i've been dehydrated for a while (loaded up with water yesterday). especially since the heat wave hit, i've been watering it up! it'll be easier when i'm not running around all crazy trying to get the clinic up and going, which by the way, it is getting up and going! i'm very excited can't you tell. it's crazy but i can only think short term right now like week to week. hopefully when we are actually in the space, i'll be able to plan out month to month...then maybe, just maybe, a year out. wow.....
i haven't even had time to furnish my apartment. and my room is half shrewn with boxes of office stuff. this is how it feels to work out of a home (or 3 homes in my case at the moment). two more weeks!!! just two more weeks.
i'm kinda getting tired of facebook. i've missed being able to emotionally vomit on my xanga. i think that mb introducing this xanga idea to my business partner was a bad idea. i like being able to bitch about stupid things on this page without her reading it. mb that's why i stopped writing in it. but now, i think i'll start back up again since she doesn't have xanga and the subject of my rant blog has died a most forgettable death.
i think that for most people, they way that they treat others, especially those closest to them, is a tell-tale marker of the health of their personal lives/relationships. i know this isn't a new concept by far. it's just that i see it more and more in the lives of my friends and collegues. some people are able to hide and burry things so deep (that's how they develop serious health issues) that they are able to block it from their interactions with others. but the best way i see to help with these problems is to have a place safe enough to be honest with yourself and those around you....like a blog. that you privatize.
or, you could just ring up a good friend and bitch out to her/him for a few hours. that always helps too ^_^ (thanks jen, cliff, angel, and sometimes mike). i love you guys!
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| wow, i haven't posted for a long time. i've been too caught up to write in my xanga and instead have been forced into short one-liners on my fb. not that ppl even care about reading my xanga in the past, and now even less in the present.
things are getting pretty busy now with the count down to our clinic opening. lots of last minute pieces to put together so we can finally start seeing patients in our clinic space. the difficult part is finding all the loose ends and wrangling them together into a somewhat cohesive pattern that we can work with.
i've been in this funk about why i compare myself to others. this is the worst negative, self-destructive downward spiral that you can ever do to yourself. never ever ever start down this path. it's not worth it and it will always cripple you mentally and emotionally which will lead eventually to spiritually and physically.
my problem is that i am the half that is driven to pick up the pieces when things aren't going well and make it go well. this doesn't allow me much extra time to do other things that i should be doing to put myself out to the public. and i don't think the other half understands all that i do to keep the clinic running when we don't have an actual clinic. that takes a lot more time and energy than ppl realize until they are in the same position (a position which i doubt they will ever be in unfortunately). Being a detail-oriented borderline obsessive compulsive person that i am, you would think this was the perfect role for me. and it is. but only when ppl appreciate the beauty and satisfaction of conducting the complexity of the many variables and bringing forth a well organized and fine tuned machine. (omg, maybe i am actually german! -see FB "what is your true nationality").
i think i will resign myself to not be the "pretty doctor" or the outgoing, flirty face of our clinic entity, but the one in the background, keeping the coffers in the black and the doors open such that we can help as many ppl that we possibly can. (but we still need more patients!) go clinic face! dangle that carrot and bring ppl in! don't forget to smile....
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| having a difficult time writing my bio for my website. having a difficult time getting the website to look like what i want it to look like. having bipolar reactions to starting a business and getting it off the ground. worrying about the financial situation. are we going to get the loan? why do i feel like i'm losing steam......how does it feel to practice medicine again? i'm forgetting.
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| That is the comment i got from Angel when i told her i am probably having a hypertensive crisis due to the stress of my dad and coming to terms about being cussed out. The best option i can hope for is for him to kick me out of the house, where i would immediately leave for LA. I may be down there by this weekend, depending on how the "family talk" goes tomorrow.
So i went out to SF this afternoon to eat lunch with my bro who just finished his first round of finals at dental school. w00t! they're over! and we had a nice, expensive, foody lunch. it was an interesting trip out there. i was really distracted and tired today cuz i haven't been getting very good sleep for the past couple of weeks due to my high stress situation at home. i also woke up early today to scramble to finish up my business plan with my business partner. we had to break it up into chunks cuz i had to get to the bart station, go thru the tunnel, go under the bay, and almost miss my stop to get out at SF cuz i was on my laptop and talking to nicky on the phone working on the business plan. the bart train was really crowded and some guy was standing in front of the rail map, so i didn't know which station i was at. fortunately, i had a feeling i needed to get out and asked out loud which station it was and the girl next to me said "montgomery" and i was like "oh shit!" grabbed my stuff and ran out of the train just as the door closed behind me *whew*. then i didn't know which side of the street to catch the bus on to get to japan town and had to ask a bunch of people at the stop. fortunately, there was this one lady who was getting off at the same stop as i was and she said it was the right bus ^_^ got on the bus and it was also crowded, but still worked on the business plan with nicky on the phone, hehe. i was completely multitasking while not really knowing for sure where i was going, hehe. it was great =P
at least the business man on the bart train sitting next to me complemented my armor ring. he was like "i was checking out your ring and i just wanted to say that it is badass. yeah, totally badass". i smiled and said "thanks, it's my favorite ring"
so in japan town, i didn't know where the restaurant was, hahaha and had to ask ppl where it was and eventually called my bro. i walked right past it twice and then walked across the street and finally saw where it was and that i passed it twice, hahahaha. by that time, i was completely sweating and nasty (was wearing my short checkered navy blue wool jacket cuz SF is supposed to be cold today but wasn't). the restaurant was called Bushi-tei (japanese french) and cost for lunch was about the cost of a nice dinner at a reasonable restaurant. good thing we didn't have dinner there (altho my bro has of course)....
so during the meal, my bro was like, i don't know why you're so stressed about this. you're going to do what you're going to do and dad's going to not like it and go balistic. it's what happens. then, you can leave. you already know what's coming up, so just accept it and move on. strangely, it reasured me. not that i was doing what was ideal, but i am doing what i want to do in my life (i actually have a good business plan and everything) and my bro was supportive of that. plus, i've been pretty removed from verbal/mental abuse for about 8 years, so i'm not used to being screamed/cussed at anymore. (which makes you think what kind of shit i had to deal with while growing up o_O)
well, it was good to have jon telling me it's going to pass and that my dad will eventually get over it. i know i just have unrealistic expectations of my parents.
oh, at the end of our meal, the waiter asked us how our meal was and all that and got talking with jon asking if he lived around here (jon's been there a few times) and if i was from here as well. i told him that i just moved back to the bay area from oregon after finishing medical school and will be starting a practice in so cal. he looked really surprised and said "wow, congrats on graduating from med school. you look so young, i would never have guessed." and instead of getting pissed off about being called young, i gave him the biggest smile and said "why, thank you". (see, i am getting better Angel!!)
thanks to my sisters, family, and friends that do fully support my decisions.
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